Life Speak

Today, my family will celebrate my mother's eighty-fifth birthday. We will celebrate my dad's ninety-first birthday in less than a month. How can this be? I remember sleeping beside my little brother in the backseat of our Chevy, covered in a blanket of darkness, serenaded by the hum of the tires on the road, as Daddy's watchful eye peered into the distance and Mom's protective glances peeped over the backseat while her babies slept. It seems surreal how long ago these family visits to my grandparents were. Memories such as these were a lifetime ago for me. Can you imagine my parents' memories of living in this amazing world for almost a century? They've lived through World War II, the Great Depression, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, and scores of other conflicts. In their lifetime, the walls came down in the Soviet Union, men stepped foot on the moon, the television was invented, interstates were carved into the countryside, and high-speed rails, faster cars, and even faster jets forever changed the pace of life. International travel and communications have accelerated at lightning speed. I'm reminded of how much things have changed in their lifetime each time Mom calls when she needs help navigating her cellphone or smart TV.  My sweet Mom and Daddy grew up in small communities where neighbors and church folk were like family with much in common. Each person in their communities was invested in their towns and each other because they would not survive without leaning on each other. Now they have easy access to a global community but don't even know the neighbors a block away. How ironic that people are being driven to more isolation and selfishness than ever despite (or perhaps because of) all they have at their fingertips. As I think about how much things have changed in my parents' lifetime and mine as well, I can't wrap my mind around how much our world has changed. For a world that is so connected, those leading our social systems and who run our media, government, and institutions stoke the flames of tribalism more than ever. I don't buy this narrative of "them versus us." Perhaps it is because I was raised in the South where everyone was greeted with a hello and a wave, where strangers were treated like friends, where there were lots of "yes ma'ams and yes sirs", and where children were protected and the elderly were respected. Despite what we are led to accept in the news, I still believe there is decency and respect among people in our country and world. Division and chaos are not coming from those who love our country, but from those who hate it and want to either change it or destroy it. We know better and are better than this! It is time for all American Citizens to remember what unites us - the love of country, family, freedom, faith, and hope. We all want to live in safety and sovereignty. We all want freedom and opportunity to provide for our families, flourish in our communities, worship in our churches, enjoy the fruits of our labor, protect and experience the beauty of our land, thrive in health and prosperity, and experience the love of family and friends. May we revive civil discourse and regain respect and dignity for each other. We must unite to save this Republic, our home - for ourselves, our children, and future generations. #UniteAmerica #freedom #unity #patriotism #community #onenation #UnitedWeStand

In a few weeks I will have guests in my home. The young woman who is coming with her husband and children has always told me that she feels so "at home" in my house. Honestly, there is no higher compliment when it comes to my home! A beautiful house means nothing if it doesn't feel like home. It is simply a showcase. How does your house feel to you? Does it speak to your soul? Calm your spirit? Settle your anxious thoughts? If not, then maybe it is time to change a few things. Create your "happy place," your "safe space." Don't let clutter or disorganization rob your peace. Simplify, let go of what doesn't serve you well, and create an oasis for yourself and those you love.

Many years ago a pop song was recorded by R&B icon Aretha Franklin. It became an anthem of women everywhere. It's message was "a declaration from a strong, confident woman, who knows that she has everything her man wants. She never does him wrong, and demands his 'respect.' " When reading the definition of the song's meaning today, one word leaped out at me - "demands." Truthfully, none of us can demand respect. Respect is something that must be earned in our behavior and attitude and then fostered in the heart of the recipient of our actions. The truth is, RESPECT truly is "love in action." When we treat another person with devotion, love, loyalty, courtesy, kindness etc. we are showing them respect and hopefully fostering the same in them towards us. While there is no guarantee that others will respect us, we alone can control if we choose to show them the same respect that we desire to receive. Respect, like love though, is something that we cannot fully give or receive until we have it for ourselves. Speaking from personal experiences of the past, I admit my struggles with both love and with respect. Through difficult times in my life, my self-esteem became whittled away and I lost the confidence in who I was, lost love and self-care as a result and lost respect for myself as a feeling of "unworthiness" caused me to settle for less than I should have in many areas of my life. I allowed others to mistreat me, I did not pursue paths that would be most beneficial for me in areas of career, finances, health, relationships etc. because I was approaching everything from an "empty love tank." My choices were out of need and sometimes even desperation. I was at such a low point that I did not put rational thought into my choices, into my decision-making or even into my strategies and plans. I was staying "one step behind" trying to fill voids that only became deeper with time. It wasn't until I became seriously ill that I began to take a transparent look at the place I had fallen to in my life and heart. I wanted so desperately to be needed and loved, to feel beautiful and desired. I wanted affirmation for the many things I was doing on my job, at my church, with my family and for companions and friends. No matter how much I "performed," how much I gave, how much I tried to love "unconditionally" those around me even when they did not treat me as I desired to be treated, nothing would fill that void inside of me. It only became deeper and deeper. I felt I had been catapulted into a black hole at warp speed. Here's the bottom line. A love tank cannot be filled by others if we are emptying everything out to them and not pouring anything into ourselves. Even the golden rule and ancient scriptures tell us to do to others as we want them to do to us and to "love your neighbor as yourself." During that time of illness, I was no longer able to do the things I had always done - at work, at church, at home and for the people in my life. I will never forget one evening in a time of meditation and prayer. I was too weak to even get out of bed or off the sofa for more than an hour at a time. I felt worthless, useless. Tears found their way down my cheeks as they had so many times before. I sensed I was fading away - physically, emotionally and spiritually. It was then I tried to pray. Though my words would not come, I heard words being spoken deep in my heart. "I don't need your 'stuff' or what you can do for Me or others. I want you. I want to love you and you love Me." God was near to me like He had been so many times. I was loved "for me" - period. It was a lesson in acceptance beyond anything I could describe. I wish I could say I have fully exhibited complete self-love and care since that time, but I haven't. Building one's self-esteem and worth takes time if it has been diminished over many years. I have made more poor decisions, let others take me for granted, stayed too long, put up with too much, neglected to care for my health, failed to fight for what I wanted and needed. But I am growing, learning and challenging myself to be better today and even better tomorrow. Why? Because I am worth it! So are you!!! Respect begins deep in your own heart and is a manifestation of love. So I choose love - for myself until it is overflowing in my love tank out to others. And I will show others ultimate respect by how I treat myself. I'm stepping up to a higher place that only those who love and respect me will take the time to step up with me. Much love and R.E.S.P.E.C.T.!